can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
