I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
