The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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