loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
