no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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