hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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