If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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