im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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