I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
