I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
