remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
