I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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