Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
