is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
