i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
