I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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