Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When are your genitals available?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
