Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
