she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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