what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
