it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
