i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
