yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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