Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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