its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
