there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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