everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
