no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
