he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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