I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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