how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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