Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
