At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
