i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
