It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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