I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
