you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
