my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
