Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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