your room smells of hookers.
And success
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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