It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
