She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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