Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
