you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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