im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
