He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
