We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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