I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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