Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
