it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
