Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently you make a good broom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
