tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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