You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
