Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
