I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
