Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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