i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
