I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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