just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
