What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize